“How Do We Repent If Those We Hurt Are Dead or Far Away”

If we are asked to make up to those we may have offended, ask for their forgiveness—before prayers are answered or before coming to God, how do we possibly repent if those we hurt are no longer alive, or if many years have passed and they are now married, have good jobs? If we hurt people in the past by our very attitude daily—and everyone, really, we came in contact with for any length of time through negativity and criticism—how can such a lifelong sin be forgiven? How to ask repentence of so many? A very kind woman is praying for me today, and I don’t want to get too close, or mislead her, but her prayers are so BIG I almost think I can begin again after many, many years away from life. Don’t mean to sound self-pitying. I really do just want to make sure I don’t weaken another good person again.

What wonderful questions!! I can sense that God is answering your friend’s prayers by opening your mind to a new way of thinking.

Repenting means to change the way we think and to turn 180 degrees around, a U-turn, in our behavior. Repenting of our bad thinking and behaving patterns is the first step. Then comes the step of asking for forgiveness, which is necessary for there to be any reconciliation. They are two separate steps.

If the person we hurt is no longer alive, then we can’t ask for forgiveness. We can receive God’s forgiveness, but that’s where that process ends. The next step may be to grieve the loss of that relationship and the loss of the ability to be reconciled. You just have to leave that in God’s hands.

If the person we hurt is still around, then we need to pray and ask God if HE is the one telling us to contact the other person and confess our sins and ask for forgiveness. (In some situations, that would cause even more pain and it’s best left in His hands.) As you continue to pray about each person you have hurt, God will give you direction about what you should do concerning each one. The best way to handle it is often through a letter because it gives the other person the opportunity to think about what you’ve said before replying. And it even gives them the opportunity to decline to reply at all. So you honor that person in several ways.

Your “lifelong sin” can and WAS forgiven in one moment (the moment you trusted Christ—I am assuming you have made that decision) because Jesus paid for it. His love is stronger than your sin, and His blood is more powerful than your sin. He wiped out the penalty for it. You may not have the forgiveness of those whom you offended, but you DO have God’s total and unconditional forgiveness. God doesn’t command you to secure the forgiveness of everyone (you don’t have that kind of power), He tells you to do what is within your power to do. That is, acknowledge and confess your sin, and ask for forgiveness. That’s why Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” If someone doesn’t grant the forgiveness you humbly ask for, you can’t be reconciled with them, but at that point it’s not your fault.

I hope this helps.

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries