Sue, your work (I was just on your web page: www.probe.org/angels-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/) sounds like that of your so called “Bad” or “Ugly” angels. Helping people who want to leave homosexuality—you scare them to? What I’ve read here I’m afraid to say is almost complete utter bollocks. I laugh in your face and hope you do something worthwhile someday. I think the words in other religions are equally as valid as your “Holier than thou” book. Hey check out any books by Aleister Crowley and also: Jesus Lived in India by Holger Kersten. The Bible–Xeroxed for thousands of years, translated several times, usually (ie. King James) not very well. You are deluded, and I feel sorry for you. (only a little!) 🙂 Hey! Do the world a favor–lighten up and stop bible bashing.

Hello ________,

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and looked at a menu? You might have found items on the menu you weren’t interested in. My husband, for example, really dislikes fish and won’t ever order it. But no one in the restaurant tries to force the fish down his throat.

I understand that you think what I have written, and where I choose to devote my time, is utter foolishness to you, and that is your right. But it is available to those who are looking for wisdom and information from a Christian world view, and that is why I have it on the website.

You have a lot of opinions but not much in the way of supporting evidence. I, on the other hand, am such a convinced Christian because I have investigated the evidence, which you might find compelling if you ever approached it with an open mind.

Should you get to the point where you find your beliefs aren’t consistent with reality, and your life isn’t working for you. . . bookmark our website. There is truth and light here for those who seek it. For those who don’t—nobody’s forcing them to eat fish when what they want is tofu.

Cheerily,

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

My son is 15 years old. My husband and I have differing opinions on our son’s attraction to Britney Spears. Our son has requested tickets to her concert. The photographs I’ve seen are extremely sexual and seem pornographic. Her physical gyrations at the concerts are repulsive to me but I know my son loves it. It seems that this fixation on Britney is cultivating a strong appetite for more sexually explicit visual stimulations in the future. Share your thoughts or scripture please.

Dear ______,

I know what I think, but I thought it might be helpful to ask my son Kevin, a college sophomore home for a visit, how HE would answer your question.

First of all, he just shook his head and said “Keep that boy away from her!! She has incited so many guys to lust—I don’t care WHAT she says about being a virgin. She’s a tease.”

Then he sat down with his Bible and provided the following perspective:

Proverbs 5:3-5 says, “For the lips of the adulteress drip honey. . . her steps lead straight to the grave.” Verse 8 says, “Keep far away from her and do not go near the door of her house.” Kevin pointed out that Britney’s provocative dress and onstage behavior has invited so many men to lust after her that, according to the way the Lord Jesus equated lust with adultery in the mind, she could reasonably be considered an adulteress. Not literally, of course, but acting deliberately with the intent of making young men lust after her. And not very different from the woman warned against in Proverbs.

2 Timothy 2:22 says, “FLEE youthful lusts. . .” Don’t even let there be an opportunity, either in behavior or in one’s mind, to pursue unholy thoughts. Going to a Britney Spears concert is the exact opposite of fleeing youthful lusts.

And finally, Kevin brought up Proverbs 6:20 and 24-25: “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother . . . To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, Not let her capture you with her eyelids.”

My mother’s heart is delighted that he put such emphasis on your (and my!) role in your son’s life. From that same mother’s perspective, I would put this in the same context as the kind of unpopular decisions we make all the time:

• “I realize you don’t want to brush your teeth and you don’t see any reason for it, butyou need to do it anyway.”
• “I realize you prefer pizza and chocolate cake to anything green, but it’s important for you to eat vegetables, and there will BE no pizza or chocolate cake until you eat the healthy stuff.”
• “I understand you hate pain and so do I, but you have to go to the doctor and get this booster shot, and I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in this.”

So it follows that we would say, “Yes, son, I know you think Britney Spears is the hottest thing since fire and this constitutes child abuse, but because I love you and want to protect you from your own flesh and hormones, you can’t go. End of discussion.”

Part of the value of God placing parents in a place of authority and protection over children is that we are able to see farther down the road than they are, and we can see the big picture of life better than they can. So we make them do things they don’t want to do, and we prevent them from doing things they really want to do, because acting in their best interests is more important to us than feeling popular and well-liked by our kids. We are no longer in high school; we can choose being wise and responsible over being popular.

But then there’s the other issue, which is that your husband and your son are apparently in agreement against your position and beliefs. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that!

But according to what the scripture says about our role as wives, we need to be in submission at the same time that we support our husbands by providing our God-given woman’s perspective. So all you can do is speak to your husband (ALONE) about how you think about this issue (and I would use the word “thoughts” rather than “feelings” since it’s a temptation for many men to dismiss women’s feelings as unreliable and not valuable. Not fair, I know, but it seems to be the way it is a lot of the time). The more logical and analytical you can be in sharing your perspective, the better the communication will probably be. Once your husband knows your position, leave the final decision up to him (which it should be anyway since he’s the dad) and turn over the situation into God’s hands. (This reminds me of a word of wisdom I heard the other day: If you can’t change something, release it.) If your son ends up going to the concert, pray for him! Pray that he will have eyes to see the truth about what Britney’s doing; pray that he will feel guilty; pray that he will have a growing discomfort with this kind of self-absorbed fleshly behavior. And if you haven’t read The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian, get it and pray it!

I hope this helps.

Blessings on you,

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

Thank you for a great website and ministry. I also thank you for a place where we can come to get some help. So here is my question. I am talking to some homosexual men about gay theology. They are convinced that the relationship between Jonathon and David was a homosexual relationship.

Their basis for that is 1 Samuel 18:1-4, and 2 Samuel 1:26. I have tried appealing to context of these verses, the fact that both these men have wives and children, and the simple fact that even if this was true, it doesn’t change God’s law one iota. All to no avail. I have been attempting to do a word study on the word love, as it is used here, and in a heterosexual union, to see if there are any differences in usage, but my resources are limited, and I have not been able to pin anything down yet. I was wondering if you could help me at all in this area, and any other approach you think may be useful.

I am cognizant of the fact that no matter what I say, it may do no good, as it appears their minds are made up. However before I give up, I would like to cover as many of the bases as I can.

The burden of proof to make David and Jonathan’s relationship more than friendship is on your gay friends. There is nothing in the text to indicate there was anything more than a godly, committed friendship between two men who deeply loved each other. You aren’t missing anything by reading a translation because there’s nothing hidden in the Hebrew.

However, there is also nothing you can do to dissuade them from reading what they want to find into what’s not there. The heart’s capacity for deception is far greater than we give ourselves credit for. You CAN say, “You are reading a gay relationship into the text but it’s not there, and there’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind because you want it so badly to be true. We’ll both find out in the end, won’t we? In the meantime, I am praying that God will show you the truth.”

It’s frustrating, I know. But you’re right, and they’re not, because they are caught in spiritual deception and what author Joe Dallas calls in his book of the same name “A Strong Delusion.”

I hope this helps.

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

I am not a homosexual, nor do I know any open homosexuals. Yet, I have felt God’s call to study this issue very carefully. Though at times in this essay, I may use strong language, I am very open to reproof–which is partly how I got to my position. I beg for us both to prayerfully submit ourselves to God’s will.

The debate over homosexuality is posed to divide the Christian church. However, a careful reading of Scripture reveals no condemnation of biological attraction to one’s own gender (or of two men or two women marrying), and all Christians, bearing in mind the second greatest commandment, must therefore fight against untruth and prejudice against homosexuality.

Especially if one has already become deeply convinced to think that homosexuality is worthy of condemnation, this paper will not be convincing. Yet, if read in a group that discusses it calmly or read as if dialoguing with one’s own thoughts, this paper should be very convincing. “Therefore, consider carefully how you listen.”

I am using the word “homosexual” to mean a person biologically attracted to his or her own gender–not a merely person who engages in same gender sex. Perhaps the majority of science will be overturned and such persons will be shown not to exist. I cannot operate under such an assumption however, and the burden of proof lies squarely on those would think in such a manner.

[Long commentary on various scriptures edited out]

You base your argument on what I respectfully submit is a faulty premise: “a careful reading of Scripture reveals no condemnation of biological attraction to one’s own gender.”

I have two questions for you.

#1. Please point me to the empirical evidence for a biological basis for homosexuality. I have been studying this issue for several years and cannot find any. (I am already familiar with the studies by LeVay, Bailey and Pillard.) I would be especially interested in reading an explanation for the twin studies where one identical twin identifies as gay and the other as heterosexual. As Dr. Neil Whitehead points out, “If an identical twin has same-sex attraction the chances the co-twin has it are only about 11% for men and 14% for women.” If homosexuality were genetic, the correlation would be 100%.

#2. Why is it important for you to bring your agenda about homosexuality to the scriptures, instead of allowing the scripture to address the issue of homosexuality? Whenever someone says (basically) “Yes, this is what it says, but that’s not what it means,” I look for a presupposition that affects the way they look at the text.

Thank you.

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

I heard this week on WMBI radio something from your group about gay issues… I have a teenage son who thinks he’s gay…a high-schooler. I don’t believe he is yet entrenched in any sort of gay lifestyle. . . What’s a mom to do with a loved one who is beginning to believe he’s gay?!

My heart goes out to you in dealing with your precious son who has been lied to about being gay. It’s one thing to have same-gender feelings, but quite another to put the “gay” label on oneself when it doesn’t have to be that way.

I have two suggestions for you. First, a book was written for EXACTLY young men like him, which I strongly suggest you get, read, and give to him. It’s called You Don’t Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality or for Those Who Know of Someone Who Is by Jeff Konrad. Amazon.com carries it. This book is a series of letters written by a man who discovered that through the power of Christ he could leave his homosexual identity behind, to a young man just beginning to consider that option. The wonderful thing is, the young man who received the letters is Mike Haley, who has since resolved his faith and sexuality and worked for a time at Focus on the Family as a youth and gender specialist. Mike has put together some awesome materials for kids in exactly your son’s position, and I suggest you contact Focus (1-800-A-FAMILY) and ask for the literature on youth and homosexuality. (That’s my second suggestion.)

In the meantime, we have several articles on homosexuality on the Probe Ministries website that may be of help to you:

Helping Teens Understand Homosexuality
Homosexual Myths
Homosexuality: Questions and Answers
Homosexual Theology
Can Homosexuals Change?

I also point you to the excellent resources at Living Hope Ministries, which has support and information for parents as well as strugglers. The Executive Director, Ricky Chelette, wrote this article called Help! My Son is Gay. You may also be interested in Living Hope’s video and audio resources: livehope.org/rescource-type/products/

I hope this helps. The Lord bless you and keep you in these difficult days.

In His grip,

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

Mrs. Bohlin,

I just finished reading your well written and informative article “Homosexuality Q&A.” Your approach to the issue is refreshing and very new to me.

Your explanation of pre-conditions is solid, but the issue is still frustrating to me. The gay man has stronger sexual feelings toward men than I, thus it is much easier for me to ignore these feelings (which really don’t exist at all for many such as myself). On top of that, I (and many others) have a VERY strong sexual feeling toward females. My assumption is that (bi-sexuals excluded) these sexual tendencies do not coexist for the homosexual. So, is the homosexual to fight off the gay temptation as well as manufacture a false sexual desire for the opposite sex? And if so, do you think this is fair? God presents individuals with many challenges, but why that one?

I have a sinking feeling about this issue: As long as Christians regard homosexual acts as sins, we can never be accepted by some. Every time I attempt to be a Christian witness to my fiancée, this issue arises. She (like many gay supporters) struggles to see our God as a just God and Christianity as the true way, as long as we are defining gays as sinners. Is it possible to be a Christian witness to someone who will never concede that homosexual acts are sins? If so, how? If not, is my relationship doomed?

Additional questions: Is the gay Christian’s claim that the Bible is NOT clear about the issue completely unfounded? Have you heard of a compelling argument for this point of view? Also, I like your humble approach to dealing with gays (a bit different than Dr. Laura’s). But, suppose you are questioned by a homosexual about your true feelings about gay marriage, the act itself, etc.? What then? Take the risk that honesty may end the friendship? Lie to gain more understanding and display compassion? So many questions.

And you may never answer them or even read this email. That is completely acceptable being that you have no idea who I am. If you do decide to reply, thank you. I am having many difficulties with this issue and regard you as someone who is enlightened both by this issue and by the word of God.

Thank you for your kind words about my article. I am so glad I am able to provide a different perspective on homosexuality, because this issue is far more than an intellectual issue for me; I am very involved in a discipleship ministry to those dealing with unwanted same-sex attractions, and I see with my own eyes, on a weekly basis, how God can change lives.

Your explanation of pre-conditions is solid, but the issue is still frustrating to me. The gay man has stronger sexual feelings toward men than I, thus it is much easier for me to ignore these feelings (which really don’t exist at all for many such as myself). On top of that, I (and many others) have a VERY strong sexual feeling toward females. My assumption is that (bi-sexuals excluded) these sexual tendencies do not coexist for the homosexual.

People experience varying levels of attraction for the opposite sex. Homosexuality is really “gender identity confusion.” In terms of male homosexuals, they usually don’t experience sexual attraction to women because something happened that prevented them from learning what it means to be a boy, then later a man, and being comfortable with their masculinity. Men remained a mystery to them, and we are attracted to the “other,” to the mysterious. Homosexual men don’t generally experience sexual attraction to women because they’re stuck with unmet needs for close, bonding relationships with other males. Interestingly, once they learn to have healthy, non-erotic relationships with other men, some men can start to experience attraction to women. Or at least one woman. I know one man in his 30’s who is going through what he’s calling his “junior-high stage,” and absolutely marveling at what it feels like to find women attractive for the first time! (He’s having a great time of it, too! :::smile:::)

So, is the homosexual to fight off the gay temptation as well as manufacture a false sexual desire for the opposite sex?

To answer, let me draw a parallel to something in the physical realm. Let’s say someone has a broken arm. All the indications are that it’s broken because there’s a lot of pain, swelling—and the end of the bone has pierced the skin! Would we ever counsel them to tell themselves, “I’m not hurt, I don’t have a broken arm, I’m whole and well,” and suggest they conjure up feelings of painlessness? I hope you’re smiling because I mean it to be ludicrous and not judgmental. 🙂

When someone has erotic and romantic feelings for a person of the same sex, that’s a sign that something is broken—inside. Unfortunately, there is no x-ray machine for the heart that gives undeniable proof of a brokenness like we see with a broken bone. The pro-gay voices that seek to identify homosexuality as normal and good have deceived many people into denying that a homosexual orientation is “brokenness.” But it IS relational brokenness, and trying to tell someone not to feel same-gender attraction is like telling someone with a broken arm not to feel the pain.

Fighting off homosexual temptations means not participating in homosexual behavior (DOING), and choosing not to lust and sin in the mind (THINKING). It can’t mean not feeling the feelings, because that’s impossible to do. Trying to manufacture a false sense of attraction to the opposite sex won’t work either, any more than manufacturing a false sense of health and wholeness when your arm is broken. The important thing is to realize that having homosexual attractions in the first place is a sign that something is wrong, and then doing the hard work that addresses the emotional and relational brokenness that caused those feelings in the first place.

And if so, do you think this is fair? God presents individuals with many challenges, but why that one?

I hope you can see that I believe in being honest with the situation, acknowledging that there is a problem, that something is wrong, not pretending things are other than the way they are. I believe God honors us being truthful that way; Psalm 51 says, “I know that You desire truth in my inmost part.” Instead of saying “Pretend you’re not broken, and act like you’re something you’re not,” I believe God says to those dealing with same-gender attraction, “Acknowledge that something is truly wrong, and come to Me to bring healing and hope to you. Don’t rely on your own strength, because you don’t have what it takes to bring healing to your inmost wounds, or health to those unmet needs, those empty places, that only I can meet now.”

I have a sinking feeling about this issue: As long as Christians regard homosexual acts as sins, we can never be accepted by some.

Regrettably, you are right. As long as we insist on agreeing with what God has said, there will always be people who will call us narrow-minded, intolerant bigots. Let me put things in a little different perspective. When we say it’s wrong for a husband to cheat on his wife, that it’s sin, do people have a problem with that? Do they turn on God and call Him unjust and unloving? Not usually. How about those who have sex BEFORE marriage? When we call that sin, because it defiles the holiness of the marriage bed, do people use that as an excuse to turn on God? Some might, those who are committed to what they want regardless of what God says, but not with the same fervor as their reaction to the pronouncement of homosexual behavior as sin. Something is different, and it’s the result of what Romans 12 warns about in letting the world squeeze you into its mold. People who object to calling homosexuality sin have allowed the world to squeeze them into its mold.

ANY sexual activity outside of marriage is sin; God is not singling out homosexuals. But people lose sight of that, and a big reason is that they don’t understand the importance and significance of sex. They put it in the same category as scratching an itch or feeding a hungry stomach. But those are not moral areas as sex is, because sex has a spiritual dimension to it, where two become one and there is a mystical unity of husband and wife that reflects the mystical unity of Christ and the Church. (See Ephesians 5.) Homosexual sex (or premarital or extramarital heterosexual sex, for that matter) can NEVER even come close to the transcendent experience that intimacy between two committed people in a covenantal marriage relationship provides. This is not some philosophical pie-in-the-sky absolute I made up; this is the experience of people, some of whom I know personally, who have left homosexuality behind and are now enjoying what God intended in heterosexual marriage.

Every time I attempt to be a Christian witness to my fiancée, this issue arises. She (like many gay supporters) struggles to see our God as a just God and Christianity as the true way, as long as we are defining gays as sinners. Is it possible to be a Christian witness to someone who will never concede that homosexual acts are sins? If so, how? If not, is my relationship doomed?

Yes, it’s possible to be a Christian witness, because you have truth on your side. We know what is true because God said it in His word. But you have a larger problem on your hands that your fiancée’s refusal to see homosexual acts as sin, I fear; she apparently has no respect for the authority of the Bible. That is what underlies the insistence that what God calls sin, isn’t—because people don’t want it to be, and loud voices have assured them that it isn’t. ____, it sounds to me like you are unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). If you have trusted Christ and she hasn’t, if you believe that God has given us absolute truth and she denies it, how do you walk together with such diametrically opposed world views?

Additional questions: Is the gay Christian’s claim that the Bible is NOT clear about the issue completely unfounded? Have you heard of a compelling argument for this point of view?

Yes. They have taken verses that are explicitly clear and twisted them around, creating new explanations that don’t hold up to scrutiny. Joe Dallas has done an excellent job of refuting gay theology in his book A Strong Delusion. And he comes with outstanding credentials; for several years he was very involved in the gay church, learning the arguments inside out and backwards, before realizing they were lies and repenting of his wrong beliefs.

Also, I like your humble approach to dealing with gays (a bit different than Dr. Laura’s). But, suppose you are questioned by a homosexual about your true feelings about gay marriage, the act itself, etc.? What then? Take the risk that honesty may end the friendship? Lie to gain more understanding and display compassion? So many questions.

It becomes a lot clearer when you see how the Lord Jesus handled this sticky kind of situation. He never compromised on what was true and holy, but He also looked right through the shame and guilt that clung to those caught in various sins and loved the person underneath. (“Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”–John 8) When someone KNOWS they are accepted and loved right as they are, it’s easier for them to accept the truth about themselves and repent. I would never lie, but “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:12) puts me in a position to offer hope and help in pointing the way out. If the person chooses not to go through that door, that’s his decision. Some friendships cannot take the strain of one person walking in the light and the other walking in the darkness, and that’s part of the cost of following Christ.

I am having many difficulties with this issue and regard you as someone who is enlightened both by this issue and by the word of God.

There are plenty of good reasons to have difficulties with this issue, ____! It’s a hard one, but the wisdom and love of God are deeper still. I am thrilled to have learned so much about what often causes a homosexual orientation in the first place, and why that means there is a way out. Actually, there is hope in the truth that homosexual behavior is sin, because sin can be repented of and the broken heart healed; if homosexuality were an unredeemable, unchangeable condition, how tragic it would be for God to call it an abomination and not provide a way to escape it! It is a long, hard process to recognize how deeply the roots of homosexuality go, and invite Him to tear them out and replace them with His love and acceptance and truth. Glorious things happen when people do that—but it all starts with acknowledging the sin. The most grievous sin isn’t the sex act; it’s the idolatry and lusting and coveting underneath the desire to want what God has said is wrong to have. It’s really a heart issue, not a sexual issue.

Are you still awake? 🙂

Thank you for writing. I pray, as I send this, that God will bring comfort to you and maybe some answers to a difficult question; my heart hurts as I think about the tensions you must experience with your fiancee’s very different set of values and beliefs. I suspect this issue of homosexuality is painful for you because of the way it is exposing some major fissures in your relationship, and that’s scary and hurtful. I pray God’s rich wisdom for you and His blessings to overtake you and make you feel loved.

In His grip,

Sue

This is in regards to the outrageous essay “Homosexual Myths” by Sue Bohlin that is displayed on your web page. I realize that this woman is entitled to her opinion, but I am ashamed that (pardon my French) c**p such as this is allowed to be published. I am homosexual, and I come from a Christian family, and I have tried to come to terms with both my sexuality and my religion, all the way through my teen years, and I considered suicide many times. Also she says it’s a myth that you aren’t born homosexual. My family is completely anti homosexuality, and I cannot remember a time when I haven’t been attracted to women, so I wasn’t “made” to be homosexual, it wasn’t a choice.

She also says that 2 people in love can’t get married if they are of the same sex, and once again excuse my French, but b*lls**t, absolute b*lls**t. If two people are in love they should have the same rights as any other couple.

I am deeply hurt by what she has said. And the fact that someone would publish it hurts more.

_________, 15

Dear _________,

I am SO GLAD you wrote to reply to my essay on homosexual myths, since it made you so angry. I am glad to have a chance to respond to you and hopefully to clarify some things.

First of all, I hear your anger and I wonder if perhaps, under your anger, is a great deal of pain. I wonder if maybe you are one of the many, many young women who were abused and hurt as a child? In one study, 85-90% of the women who called a ministry helping people dealing with unwanted homosexuality report having been abused, usually sexually. If you grew up in a homophobic family (if that’s what you mean by “completely anti-homosexuality”), then I can see how that alone would plant all sorts of mixed and hurtful messages in your head and make you feel confused and hurt. If you considered suicide many times, you must be under a horrible load of pain. That breaks my heart for you. I am so sorry.

You say you cannot remember a time when you haven’t been attracted to women, but I wonder if–and very gently suggest–that’s not a line you heard somewhere and you adopted it as yours, maybe? Because little girls aren’t supposed to be sexually attracted to women–or men, or boys, or anybody else for that matter–until adolescence. But little girls often DO have crushes on other girls, and on female teachers. There’s a big difference between having strong feelings for someone you like and admire, and being sexually attracted to her. (For one thing, the sex hormones aren’t supposed to be running in young girls.) However, when little girls become sexual beings at an early age, that usually means someone has violated them by introducing them to sexual acts and feelings long before they were intended to experience those things.

I wonder, _______, did any of these things happen to you? Because you’re very angry, and underneath your anger is either pain or fear, and I don’t sense you’re too afraid here. Just really, really angry.

You said you were raised in a Christian family, but I don’t know if that means just a church-going family, or if you all truly know and love Jesus. Your statement about the family being “completely anti-homosexual” makes me think that maybe you heard a lot of judgmental, condemning comments that are very un-Christlike. It’s because I have seen for myself how Jesus tenderly loves and can heal women caught in same-sex attraction that I know that the ideas in my essay are true and they offer hope for change.

You said you were deeply hurt by what I said, but I promise, I didn’t say anything to hurt you or anyone else. Nonetheless, I believe that you ARE deeply hurt, and I want to say I am so very, very sorry for whatever brought you to this place. I wonder if you are one of those young ladies who has never felt comfortable in her femininity, because being a female means being weak and being victimized and being vulnerable. . . and being hurt. If your feelings of being “different” go way back as far as you can remember, then something happened to interfere with the normal development that God intended for you to enjoy. You were supposed to feel comfortable being a girl, regardless of what part of the spectrum of femininity you fall in. That was His intent. If that’s not where you ended up, I’m sorry for whatever caused that.

Please feel free to write back. My heart goes out to you. You seem to have more on your plate than a 15-year-old young lady should have to bear. I hurt for you, ______, and I am sending this e-mail back with a prayer that the Lord Jesus will wrap His arms around you and let you feel loved and protected and cherished and adored….because that’s His heart for you. He really does feel that way about you.

Your friend, I hope,

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

Dear Sue,

I am a father with a heavy heart. . . .our son is living a homosexual lifestyle. He is nearly 40 years of age. We have known and lived with this for over 10 years. At first we were devastated. He was raised in a Christian home and he made a profession of faith while a teenager, but after college he moved to ________ to work.

He did seek some counseling at first, but for whatever reason he did not find the quality of help that he was seeking, and so began a drift away from church and the Lord. For several years following, we as parents tried to make suggestions and made comments to encourage him to seek professional help and trust the Lord again. He was very resentful of any comments concerning anything religious or concerning his lifestyle. So not to drive him away from us, we have just resorted to prayer that the Holy Spirit will bring about a renewing and transformation and that the scales that Satan has put over his eyes would be removed.

And of course we have made extra efforts to let him know that we love him very much. His plans are now to move across the country, and I know that being that far away will make communication even more difficult. Now to my question. . . How do I approach him again after all these years that will not cause the wall of resentment to be built again? How and what do you recommend that would be a positive approach since he is a grown man and does not appear to want to change or seek the Lord in making a transition?

Sue, I have faith and have been faithful in my prayer life for him and I know that since he give his life to the Lord and was saved, the Lord holds on to him even though he is not holding on the the Lord now. Looking forward to your response.

I am so sorry for the heartbreak you are experiencing over your son. I’m sure you realize it is even magnified in the Father’s heartache over him.

I do have several suggestions. First, get a copy of the excellent books Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies and When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do When a Loved One Says They’re Gay by Joe Dallas. That’s for you.

Secondly, keep praying. That is the most effective thing you can do, and the Lord honors it. I have heard, personally, several testimonies of those who have repented of a gay identity who say that their parents loved them and wouldn’t stop praying, and that’s why they left “the life.”

Third, I suggest you say something to him, very simply, without emotion, and you only need to say it once: “Son, I just want you to know that if you get to the point where your life isn’t working for you, I do know where to find resources to help, and I’ll be here to walk through it with you.” Then you leave the ball in his court. I promise he won’t ever forget it, but it takes awhile to move past the denial and spiritual deception that is part of the “gay is OK” mindset. In the meantime, go to the Living Hope Ministries website (www.livehope.org) and sign up for their newsletter, which will be an encouragement to you and educational too. When and if your son gets to the point of saying, “OK, Dad, what about the way out?” then give him Joe Dallas’s book Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men Who Struggle with Sexual Identity. (After that book, I would recommend Coming Out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel.)

I hope this helps.

Sue

Hi Sue! I read your questions and answers concerning the topic of homosexuality, but I still have a question.

I work in a public school district. My school district does not recognize same sex marriages, but a lesbian teacher and her partner have recently adopted a baby this summer. This teacher has asked staff members to sign a petition in favor of giving her partner insurance benefits. Her partner has chosen to stay home with the baby and has no insurance (the baby is covered).

A few teachers in my school have chosen not to sign the petition (different reasons: religious, cultural). I did not sign the petition because I do not agree with the lifestyle of homosexuality because of what the Bible says. If something ever happened to this teacher’s partner and she needed insurance benefits I would feel terrible.

How do I articulate not agreeing with their lifestyle but caring for the person—and not sounding like a hypocrite? This teacher is starting to confront those who have not signed the petition.

Thank you in advance,
________
Dear ________,

I don’t think it’s hypocritical to honestly care about people without supporting them in lifestyle choices you disagree with. This teacher, by confronting those who haven’t signed the petition, is not only demanding acceptance but APPROVAL of her lifestyle choice.

Look at it this way; if the teacher were a man with a live-in honey (as Dr. Laura puts it), how would you feel if he demanded that his girlfriend be covered by his insurance?

The thing about lesbian and homosexual relationships is that they cannot produce children naturally; that’s one reason they don’t qualify as families, and why they shouldn’t have the privileges of protection that society gives to families, like insurance coverage. The teacher and her lover have created an unnatural, immoral “family” and now demand that society treat them like a natural family.

So it’s not hypocritical for you to remain steadfast in your beliefs. They are in a relationship and a dependency situation that they created. It’s nobody’s fault if the girlfriend gets sick and needs insurance.

Caring for someone doesn’t mean you give in to their demands. It’ll be hard and VERY uncomfortable, I know, but you might say something like, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but what you’re asking for is running right up against what I believe about right and wrong. I can’t support your decision, though I support your right to make it. I’m sorry.”

I hate it that you’re put in this situation. Arrrggghhhhh!!!

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

So…in all that I see in your site, is homosexuality wrong?
Why do you care?
Do you not have lives?
I know that Jesus Christ the Lord loves me for being gay, because he made me that way and each one of us in his image!

So…in all that I see in your site, is homosexuality wrong?

Homosexual behavior is sin, because it is unholy and not God’s intent. Having homosexual feelings is not wrong because nobody has any choice over that.

Why do you care?

Because God cares.
Because the world is telling us a lie, that this destructive behavior is normal and good and desirable, but people are dying from it in both body and soul.
Because there is hope for change and healing, but lots of people don’t know that.
Because this is an area where there is SO MUCH pain, both in the lives of those dealing with same gender attraction and in the lives of the people who love them.

Do you not have lives?

Yes, we have lives. But we are committed to what God has called us to, which is proclaiming the truth of His word and its perspective on our culture. Part of that is providing a biblical perspective on homosexuality. Particularly because there is a definite agenda of people whose purpose is to change the culture’s view of homosexuality to one that is diametrically opposed to what God says. We can’t oppose God without destructive results, so at Probe we are offering the truth to combat the lie that’s out there about this issue.

I know that Jesus Christ the Lord loves me for being gay, because he made me that way and each one of us in his image!

You’ve got two out of three right!! <smile> He sure does love you. He not only loves you, but He LIKES you, and proved it by dying for you. He DID make each of us in His own image, which makes us all infinitely valuable and precious, an absolute masterpiece.

But He doesn’t love you for being gay, He loves you for being His creation. He didn’t make you gay. He wouldn’t condemn it if He had! You may have always felt different, and you may have been told that you’ve always been gay, but that doesn’t make it true. For example, have you always been an English speaker? You are now; have you always been? Well, no, when you were born you were programmed for being a LANGUAGE speaker, but not necessarily an ENGLISH speaker. If you had been born and raised under different circumstances, you might have been an Indian speaker or a French speaker or a Swahili speaker.

In the same way, if different circumstances had happened to you, you could well have been different—sensitive? emotional? not real physical?—but identified yourself as creative and emotionally gifted but not gay. Like King David in the Old Testament.

A lot of research has examined the contributing factors of homosexual orientation. It seems to be primarily relational.

Which is why thousands of people have discovered that an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus is bringing healing to those relational wounds that made them think they were gay in the first place, and they are changing from the inside out. If you’re ever interested—if you get to the point where life isn’t working for you and being gay just isn’t making you happy, like you hope it will—I can give you more information.

The Lord bless you and keep you.

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries