When we lost our (believing) son to suicide last month, we received hundreds of cards and Facebook notes assuring us of people’s care and sympathy. What a blessing!
So often, people just don’t know what to say in the face of horrific loss and pain, and it’s easy to say the wrong thing. One of my favorite-ever blog posts is “What Not to Say When Someone is Grieving.”
But I want to share ideas on what has been truly comforting and supportive, because some of the comments we received are how “the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3) blessed us, and I hope you find them helpful for crafting what YOU can say to someone in pain.
Bottom line key: what really comforts and encourages us (because we’re still making our way through grief) is communicating LOVE. Nothing encourages like the power of love. If you’re really crunched for time, scroll to the end for the two most powerful notes we received.
Cards
I am sad and so sorry or all the pain you are experiencing. I’m praying for your peace in the midst of the anguish. With love for you and appreciation for your faithful witness.
May you both feel the hope that anchors our souls—even in dark days and weeks.
I am so sorry for the grave loss you are suffering. I am lifting you up in prayer and asking the Holy Spirit to intercede for you in this time when words are not enough. I ask God to make His nearness evident to you in the coming days and that His peace would surround and carry you moment by moment. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
There are no words sufficient to convey my deep sympathy for you. Having said that, I know that Curt is now experiencing what those of us who remain can only look forward to—complete fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ and all the saints who have gone before. You both remain in my heart and prayers.
Praying for an extra measure of God’s presence and peace in the days ahead.
We love you and we feel your pain and wish we could bear some of it for you. We lift you up to our Father’s grace!
We know that Curt is fully healed and rejoicing with Jesus over the indescribable gift of glory! Still, we cannot fully fathom the deep emotions you are going through. Just know you are and will be in our prayers.
Facebook notes
I will be in prayer asking the Lord to tenderly hold you both in His hands and ease your pain and your grief.
May the Holy Spirit minister to you and meet your needs in ways beyond we could even ask or imagine.
My heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry. Love you all.
May the Lord be so near, may you cherish your wonderful memories with you son, and may the hope of heaven bring comfort in the deep pain of loss.
No words can adequately comfort—but I am so deeply sorry and I pray for sustaining comfort until the promised reunion.
I am heartbroken for your loss but so grateful for your hope that you will see Curt again.
Oh Sue, words fail. May the peace that passes understanding come to you, Ray and the family quickly.
Words are inadequate in the midst of such tragedy. Love and prayers for you and your family.
Oh dear friends, we are crushed by this news but we know God’s grace superimposes us in our most difficult moments. We are praying for you in this difficult time and know your future reunion with Curt will erase this present sorrow.
Oh, Sue! I am weeping with you. I am praying for you right now. May the Lord comfort you as only He can. One day, death will be forever defeated and all will be made new. Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
I am asking the Lord to help you feel His presence and strength in tangible ways and that the hope of heaven comforts you. Sending you so much love!
My heart grieves with you, Sue and Ray. May God’s loving presence comfort and sustain you as He did for me four years ago when I received similar news about my son. I’m thankful we grieve but not without hope. My prayers are with you now and in the days to come and I send you my love.
We lost our son to suicide two years ago, so when I tell you my heart aches with you I know whereof I speak. I pray that the Lord sends you comfort. I pray that the Lord holds you in his loving arms. I pray He gives you whatever strength you need. I love you sweet sister in Christ.
—
Lord, we ask for Your comfort to envelop our beloved Bohlin family in their time of unimaginable sorrow. Please grant them strength to face each day and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Surround them with love and support, and let them feel Your presence even in the darkest moments.
Help them to find solace in the memories of their son and to lean on one another as they navigate this painful journey. May they feel Your everlasting arms holding them close, providing hope and healing in the days to come.
In Your merciful name, we pray. Amen.
——
I wish I could give you a huge hug right now. My heart aches for you and Ray.
My heart breaks for you both. May you experience God’s supernatural peace surpassing all understanding … in such an un—understandable moment.
I have no words. Only tears.
Our hearts are breaking for you! God is faithful, yes but this is HARD.
Oh Sue & Ray, what words are there for this? May you be swamped with God’s tender mercy. I pray that the structure you have built upon the firm foundation of Christ, day after day & year after year, now be a sanctuary for you. May many take note to see & know that Jesus is enough for unspeakable times.
Devastated & heartbroken for you all. He was such a sweet soul and he will forever have a piece of my heart. Grateful he is in the arms of Jesus and no longer in agony. Praying the Lord’s peace washes over your pain.
Oh Sue. My heart is shattered on your behalf. May you be comforted by ways that only the Lord can offer. I love you SO MUCH. I am approaching His throne for you and your family.
I know God is so near and grieving along with you and Ray! I pray that you can submit all your steps and words to him and let him heal you the only way our amazing God can. I am sending so many hugs.
Oh Sue! I cannot imagine the depth of pain coupled with the hope of heaven. Lord, preserve my dear friends through their deep loss, sustain them with your mighty hand, extend peace and rest as they reflect on sweet memories. Hold them close Lord.
The Most Powerful Notes:
h how my heart hurts for you as you bear this great loss. You have been so faithful to love and care for your beloved son all these years. Now you can rest in knowing he is in the arms of Jesus now. May the God of all comfort carry you and sustain you in the difficult days to come, and may He fill you with joyous memories you can cherish in the midst of the grief. You are incredible parents and I’m sure that very few will understand the burden and sacrifice you have carried for so long. Rest now in peace knowing he is with Jesus and your loving work is complete
—
My eyes have been glued to this page for 30 minutes, unsure of how to start such a note,
I know words can fail at such a time, but loving prayer does its most urgent work. You both are loved by so many and I know that heaven’s gates are flooded with the prayers of the body of Christ. My prayer tonight is that the God of all comfort would comfort your hurting hearts.
Please know that your tears are mingled with family and friends who love you so. I am thankful to be in that number.
With my note comes my love,
Loving and compassionate words can’t fix grief, but they most certainly can bring comfort in the hard coldness of the pain of loss. I hope you find this helpful the next time you want to say something that communicates your heart.
This blog post originally appeared at
blogs.bible.org/what-you-can-say-to-someone-whos-grieving/ on Aug. 24, 2024.
Sue Bohlin
Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker/writer and webmistress for Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 40 years. She is a speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Bible.org Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to Bible.org's Engage Blog. In addition to being a professional calligrapher, she is the wife of Probe's Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of a son in San Francisco and another son who joined his baby sister in heaven in 2024.. Her personal website is suebohlin.com.
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