I read your article on teen rebellion When Your Teen Rejects Your Values. What you call “rebellion” is actually called individuality, not wishing to conform to society’s opinions. Don’t get me wrong, some people just like to go with the flow, nothing wrong with that. It’s just that I don’t think parents should inadvertently squish their son/daughter’s individuality by believing that there is something wrong with them and therefore punishing them for simply being who thay want to be and believing what they want to believe. My name is _____ and I’m a High School Student.

Dear ______,

You’re right that some parents define any individuality as rebellion, and that is incredibly sad. The teenage years are a time for you to find out who you are and who you want to be, and it requires people to pull away from their parents in order to do that healthily.

However, the point of our article isn’t to have parents squash individuality, but to deal with truly harmful rebellion. Taking drugs is something more than simply finding out who one is. It causes harm to body, mind and soul. If a girl whose parents have taught her to respect her body and wait for marriage sleeps around with boys, or even “services” them with oral sex in junior high (something which has become an epidemic), that’s not expressing her individuality, that’s being rebellious. (However, it may also be an expression of her need for her daddy’s affection and approval that she didn’t get when she was younger.) And if a teen raised in a Christian home declares herself a Wiccan, that’s way more than individuality, that is rebellion.

Expressing individuality is saying “I want to wear my hair long and green,” which is something our son did when he was in high school. It may be uncomfortable for parents, but there’s no harmful after-effects. Rebellion can be (and usually is) harmful, either to body or soul or both. Rebellion also tends to be disrespectful toward parents and other authority figures, and that is very painful and destructive to the relationship(s).

I just want you to know I DO hear your request that parents honor their teens’ desire to be different from them, but please don’t dismiss the heartbreak of true rebellion as something innocent and necessary for emotional growth.

Sue Bohlin
Probe Ministries

Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker/writer and webmistress for Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 40 years. She is a speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Bible.org Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to Bible.org's Engage Blog. In addition to being a professional calligrapher, she is the wife of Probe's Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two grown sons. Her personal website is suebohlin.com.

What is Probe?

Probe Ministries is a non-profit ministry whose mission is to assist the church in renewing the minds of believers with a Christian worldview and to equip the church to engage the world for Christ. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3-minute daily radio program, and our extensive Web site at www.probe.org.

Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained by contacting us at:

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(972) 941-4565
[email protected]

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